Back to Basics

This blog is not exactly the rags to riches tale that i had hoped it would become. I suppose that is why so many writers give up blogging, when the spotty kid from Liverpool realises he isn't aggessive, intelligent or Swedish enough to become a successful player. I, on the other hand realised that I was starting a blog as my passion for the game was fading. I guess after reading of other people's successes or downfalls i felt motivated to write rather than play. I just didnt have the desire to keep reading up on the game, or more inportantly, being patient enough to implement the new strategies that may make me a winning player. This also ties in with other areas of my life at the moment. I am currently unemployed and have been since December. I am not a drain on our Government and live in London off my own savings without help or benifits.

The thing that links my life to the current poker situation is 2 fold.

1) I am poor. It is shit to feel that i have to play at the very lowest limits until i build a more substantial bankroll. I don't multitable. The only time i ever have was at the start of my poker experience just over a year ago. At that time i thought poker was easy and that i was its latest genius. The fact was i was cash rich and had no clue what i was doing. When thinking about real bankroll management, i cannot afford to play cash games at any level due to the swings involved. The other shit bit about playing when poor is that anything i win, i want to withdraw just to pay for simple things, rent, bills, shopping, travel etc. I'm talking like £20 feeling like decent money at the moment. A far cry from just before christmas when i had $1000 and rising in one account which was withdrawn to put towards rent and annual tax bill. I feel that if i am at all concerned about money i cannot play my best game so am not playing too much at the moment.

2) The second part is about passion and enthusiasm in life and poker. Right now, as i am not working i can get down, i don't want to say depressed as i know depression is a real issue for some people and i wouldnt want to use it like an excuse. The acting industry feels so cruel and competitive and has so many knock backs that some days i feel that i can't do it at all. I have read a lot about poker and still have loads to learn. I still want to learn about the game and love talking about it. But, right now, as i am not working and am down about my career it is hard to be motivated to play a game. Any pro who i have read about or heard from on this subject say that they have a true love for the game. Obviously this is helped by the fact that they are generally making money but right now i do not love playing. I have days when i know i play well. I love to play a crafty hand and out smart/manoever an opponent. But, so much of the time at the moment i play, too loose, too aggressive, lose, get frustrated and just keep paying to be playing. This obviously makes me feel wors as i feel that despite all ihave read, i cannot even win at the lowest levels.

Resolution;

Poker - i have just read the blog http://100-2-a-million.blogspot.com/ (which is excellent by the way, my only complaint being that it is too short!) He lays out a 3 year plan to turn an initial $100 investment into a million dollars. I am not aiming for that (in fact 10% of that would be amazing). What i am going to do instead is adopt a regular bankroll update policy. I originally stated this blog would be honest about my game and attempt to get feedback, help and advice. So here it shall begin. After withdrawing $500 for rent I currently have $19.60 in Pokerstars and this will be my starting money. I will begin at the lowest level 6 handed turbos - which on Stars is $3 (+25c). This is clearly not good initial bankroll management but i am confident that at this level, with the amount I have, I can rise from here and progress accordingly. I must also realise that just because John Juanda claims that he never lost money when he started out playing, it is not the end of the world if after a year and a bit i have not become a master of the game ;-D. When (oh yes, when) my account reaches $160 will move up to the $5 -$6.50 turbo sngs

Life- I have applied for 2 jobs today - 1 i already know i haven't got - the other is for a part in a budget feature film. It sounds perfect for me and i hope to at least have a meeting for that role. If i don' i will go throught the usual split emotions. A part of me will go "oh well, it is obviously not meant to be". The other part of me will call them a bunch of narrow minded cunts as i rant about the fact that they, like so many others, have judged my ability to accurately portray a character i am perfect for, on the basis of a single black and white photo.

Reading - Poppy Shakespeare - by Clare Allen

Recently/Just Watched - "Harsh Times" http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0433387/ (really enjoyed it - Christian Bale is excellent as the ex soldier on a downward spiral. This film was criticised in one article i read for its scenes being largely set in the confines of their car. Now although i am an actor and a huge film fan, i can often miss out on the deeper meanings and subleties a director may have slipped into his work. However, in this situation, the confined space of the car is obviously like the melting pot for the whole film. The confined space and restrictions it brings just serving to intensify and speed up the explosive journey that Bale's character goes on. Quite suprising that someone who reviews films for a living would not spot such a connection, especially as e is so at ease on areas of tranquility.

"2 Fast 2 Furious" http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0322259/ Ha! Intellectual commentary out of the window - I love fast cars and fit women, what can i say?


Listened to - John Mayer - Continuum
Ben Folds Five
Live - The Distance to Here

Bankroll - $19.60 (and rising - oh yes)