Saturday, June 30, 2007

Seen some crazy cards dealt at the online tables??

Imagine how these guys feel.

Five pocket pairs at a 6 handed table and then...?!

Response to comment

Cadmunkey left me a comment on yesterdays post and i went to his blog to post a response. When i realised that the reply was quite long i thought i should just put it here instead as it a bit about playing where i currently do.

"I definately see your reasoning behind the cash game play and think its definately valid. I used to only play cash. In the beginning i used to literally throw money away learning to play poker at a NL50 cash table, no play chips for me! This was hilarious when I didnt even have a clue what beats what.

This came to a bit of a crunch last christmas. Obviously a better player, i built up $1k in no time on the NL25 tables at Party Poker. I just killed it after playing no poker for a while. My God! That feeling of seeing my account clock past a grand. Then i got all money conscious and couldn't stand to think about losing it. The balance took a few hits and i withdrew it and paid my tax bill rather than ride the downswing or crash altogether.

I went back to sng's and tourneys so that I might have an opportunity to win big cash whilst minimising my outlay and swings."

So there we are. I hope that gives an indication of where i am. That post has just made me realise that until i have a very decent win, or am earning money/working again I cant afford to play this game as well as i might.


I have just busted out of a 5 dollar mtt on stars. 1600+ entered - first place was offering a tidy $1500,yes please, I was on about 8k in chips and the average was 5k. I just slipped into this zone. I was doing other things on the net but after playing some omaha today i was very flop conscious as oppose to being fixed on my hole cards. On top of this, around this point in the game (400 remaining) i was hitting flops and getting dealt good cards and chatting to the monkeys at the table, and they were monkeys. Bunch of fucking Muppet's. I was calm though and was doing well. What i did do was start calling peoples cards and being very vocal riling people up and mocking anyone in my way. This worked to great effect when my final hand came up. I was dealt Q9 hearts in late position and raised. The small blind had over twice as many chips as me after just tripling up with KK against 44 and AQ. He called. The flop came Q9A. Now he checks to me and i instantly move all in. This is not normal for me but fits to my recent play. He calls and i love the fact that i have annoyed him enough to call with the "stealth monster" that is A6. Fucking hilarious. To a raise pre flop and a bet all in. Fucking Muppet. The turn is a 6 so the joke is on me when his 2 pr holds. That, incidentally was for a 20k pot that would have put me in the top 10 as we approached the bubble.

Does anyone know where these people live. I've just sharpened the end of my baseball bat with my Swiss army knife, splintered it with razor blades and bought 700 copies of Harrington on hold em - highlighting a section on "obvious folding situations". I will leave their corpses rotting in a puddle of their own blood with only page upon page of poker strategy to soak it up.

Long term??


Fat lot of good that does me now

Friday, June 29, 2007

End of BR? Pt 2

Well, that went well.

I was too tired to post last night having played the last game with my eyes actually hurting form tiredness, but i won the sng, taking my BR back to the heady heights of $24. I was joint last with 5 left and just really changed gears. People were playing tight and obviously wanted to cash. I don't know if this is standard or not but if i am in last place i just think it can't get worse. I either bust or i take risks to get paid. So i moved in about every 3 hands or so and i don't think i got called. This took me to second where i could afford to play like a grown up again. The rest were busted, by me pretty much, and by the time we got to HU i had about 11000 to his 2000. He did scrape back a little bit but didn't really adjust to HU play.

It bothers me that my balance was almost zero yesterday and about $100 at the end of last month when the tilt monster took over all my games for me. When i am tilted, i just abuse people and fire up game after game, even at the lowest limits this can really devour your hard earnings in very little time. It's funny, but this time i am actually trying to employ some kind of strategy regarding my bankroll. In the past i have just withdrawn money from my bank account and played on that. I would play above my level because i couldn't afford to bankroll myself properly. But i could afford to keep rebuying small and losing. Well, i could afford to BR myself properly, i guess i just don't trust myself with a significant amount of money. Before i ever do that i need to calm down, act slower and practice a more consistently disciplined game and have more respect for others. As we all know, given the "ABSOLUTE CUNTS!!", playing on Pokerstars this is hard to acvhieve.

Today is a new day.

End of BR? Pt 1

It is stil the same night and with near the last of my funds and sat at a 6 seater turbo and a 9 seater regular. In fine style and running in line with the last post i busted out of the 6 seater before the money making a play i would make all day long in the same spot. That is the only good news about it. It went down like this.

I am in first position and limp with J9 off suit. Several limpers including habitual caller on the button. Flop comes J49 rainbow. I bet, he min raises, i have less chips than him but there is no question the i have the best hand. He knows i think he has been calling too much so i type "ok" and move in . He pauses about a second and calls with.......45 suited - no flush draw. I love it and instantly hate it when he turns another 4. Why oh why??

I sat for about 10 minutes watching and abusing him. I will not name and shame here but his sharkscope results speak for themselves. His graph looks like a slide, he has an average ROI of minus 36% and has a profit of minus $2800. Jesus! I told him and made sure everyone at the table knew what a cunt they were dealing with and then he was out in 4th. Ha.

I really need to be calmer. Any help much appreciated

i'll let you know about the other one - currently 3rd - 6 remain

Once again i am rendered (almost) speehless

Today i have near decimated my pitiful bank roll. It had been one of those days i'm afraid. It started well enough, winning an early stt and my sharkscope sng profit topping $470. Unfortunately what goes up must come down. I must say that everywhere i turned i seemed to get shafted my KK by pocket 4's, my aces to pocket 10's and the last straw just now, my QQ to 63 suited to bust me out of another tourney. I could have perhaps escaped some of the hands that fucked me today. What i cant seem to get away from are the crazy pre flop calls, the runner runners and the idiots who want to justify their play. I ponder peoples holdings and am sometimes correct and sometimes laugh at how far off i am. This is not necessarily to do with bad reading ability but the sheer ridiculousness of the betting patterns given their current situation. I don't even feel like stopping playing which is the worst thing. I smell a zero BR report coming up. The last tourney i was playing so tight and to run my ladies into that muppet hand. 63, well it just doesn't seem just. I know that all of this will even out in the long term, however i know i am making mistakes too and sometimes getting lucky. Therefor, until i eradicate my own mistakes there will be no evening out possible and we will continue as we are. There as so many variables in a single tourney that to play well, get cards and to hit flops requires such focus, skill and luck i am honestly surprised anyone wins and cashes well regularly. Right now that seems impossible.

Still, we crack on. One day my friends. One day.

Oh yeah. The film "The Jerk" with Steve Martin was on while i was playing. Chuckles! Definately worth a watchfor any comedy fans in the house.

Thursday, June 28, 2007

A good idea?

Just had an idea and posted it on Paul Phillips' blog. I am currently applying for acting work and thinking of ways to make money. See what you think.

Hey Paul,

I have been reading for some time and often wanted to comment but the thing is; i am reading your blog forward from its conception and doubt you'll be interested in comments on things that happened in the early part of 2004! I am currently reading March 2005 and hope that one day i may catch you up to see what you are actually doing in the now.

I am a young actor (and poker fan) from the UK. Like many others i am still trying to make my big break (even a small one would be nice) into this cruel business. Whilst reading an old post of yours and the general banter and comments regarding Phil Hellmuth, I stumbled upon an idea.
Do you think it would be possible for me to obtain sponsorship to major tournament events under the assumed identity of "Camp Hellmuth". "Camp" is an outrageous, openly gay card player and PH obsessive. He has learned poker by the book, (Phil's, obviously) and is now making his way onto the pro tournament circuit. He is always eager to sit as near to Phil as possible and would endeavor to track him down mid break for hand advice (especially at the urinal). He would also bring pink and sparkle to every event (additional idea- originally pink and sparkle were to describe his glittery appearance, but depending on money offered, they, Pink and Sparkle, could be is fag hag fan club). If Phil were to have a blow up, "Camp" would down cards immediately and rush over and make sure his idol is okay and protect him. That, or he would see it as his cue to start a more elaborate strop of his own.

This could be very funny for some time (one tournament??). I imagine if it were well strategised and went on for long enough, it could result in Phil going absolutely "boo loo", living like a hobo in the corner of a card room. Gibbering incoherently about "good times past", and "bad beats after holding the nuts pre flop". Surrounded by, and living out of boxes of unsold merchandise, constantly reading and rereading " Play Poker Like the Pro's", trying to figure out where it all went wrong.

Anyway - you get the gist. I would offer you a piece of all future merchandising and sponsorship rights. Lets make some money. Kerching.


Just bused out of the 3 dollar rebuy on stars in 540 something -

i am so angry

payouts started at 504 - i could have waited. Some cunt kept moving all in with his 10k stack - average was 25k - i had 30 - so it was never going to be an easy call from a short stack. I passed decent hands. When he raised the button all in and i had 77 in the sb i called. My happiness at seeing 33 was short lived when the flop came A24 and i just knew i was going to get shafted. The turn was the 3 - goodnight Irene!

That knocked me a lot, plus i had been card dead for about an hour and the best hand i'd seen in ages had just been raped by two crabs. Without really thinking about the raise to "new stack" ratio I raised Q10s pre flop and was shocked to see my stack drop to 13.5k. I just didn't think. (the fact that it was 4am have anything to do with that? Ed) (Hang on we don't have an editor) Anyway my raise was called - a shortish player (5'2" lol) moved all in from the blinds. It was my last 13k to call and the pot was 40k. I called hoping for overs. He did have overs. 2 of them. 2 fucking aces. I flopped a 10 and a J - giving me some hope but no more. Fuck it. I get so passionate about busting i really want to cry and smash stuff all at once. Its the prospect of just having fucked off $5000 for first place coupled with the fact that i am a fiery red head.

I did see the most audacious bluff ever though. Button raises - both blinds call - flop QJ5 - 2 hearts - all check the flop - turn Q - the bb bets strong the buttn calls - the river is another 5 making the board - Q5JQ5 - with 3 hearts. The bb bets and leaves himself 2k behind. The button pauses and i'm thinking he has the odds to call like 4 to 1 or something if he has anything decent. However - he moves all in - the bb pauses and folds. He folded his last 2k for a 34k pot. The button showed K10 off suit for a busted straight draw. Madness on both parts.

Also tonight i limped with 56 off suit - got raised and called as we were in the rebuy period. The flop came 464 - i moved all i was pissed my opponent insta called - until i saw his cards - KQ - my hand held and he got all mardy saying i had made a bad play. Ok.... I called 400 more pre flop at 2 to 1 with a speculative hand during the rebuy period. You called 3000 with K high. I think it was thee that maketh that mistake.

Anyway you lot - get to bed. dont you know what time it is. I'll be back tomorrow. Just try and stop me.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Mini Cash

Just came fifth in a 180 man $4.40 on PokerStars for the much lower than anticipated sum of $45. Not bad you may say, but given the time taken, it isn't even minimum wage. I definitely should have placed higher but a few things happened along the way;

1) For the first hour and a half the best hand i had was AJ suited. No pairs.

2) When I picked up aces in the bb and everyone folded to me

3) I called a pre flop raise from an intelligent player, who check folded his QQ on an A high flop when i had pocket aces. I should have reraised him pre flop or played it slower on the flop. I just assumed, wrongly that he was slow playing his Ax hand.

4) I got shafted at the final table when we were down to about 7, i lost a lot of chips. I just thought fuck it, i might finish 7th or i could turn on the aggression and place higher. This worked a treat and by the time someone decided to call i actually had a decent hand and doubled up. Eventually going from 7th to 1st.

5) The button raised and i reraised all in from the BB, after moving in about 50 billion times on the bounce. He said he folded pocket Jax. I doubt it. I told him i had deuces and that it was a weirdly conservative laydown against the table mentalist. The whole table agreed saying they would have called - a shame i wasn't playing any if those morons then because i actually had pocket Kings. Bollox

6) I raised with KK and was called by the player on my left. Flop AQQ - poop! I check raise the flop and am reraised. I fold

7) I called a raise out of position with J8 suited. The flop gave me the 4 flush and rather than check and allow him to bet, I moved all in with the flush draw on the flop. My opponent insta called with AK on the A high flop. No draw for him but i missed.

8) There was a player 2 to my left (so always in the bb when i'm stealing from the button) who i insulted early on at the final table. He said nothing but just became the thorn in my side. He called all my raises and made moves on me at good times or times when i wasnt wiling to do all my chips on a marginal hand. Tough when the blinds are high.

9) This continued and was my demise. He had just moved all in pre flop and won with his A2 spades against AQ. I called his all in with A8 - convinced i had a better hand - i did, but i lost anyway against his monster K7 when he hit running kings on the turn and river. I moved all in now short with A2 and he had no problems calling me with "Pro Players Favourite" Q8 clubs.

I'm sure he just wanted to bust me. He did. Bravo.

Today was pretty weird for another reason too. After writing the words "naked children" in the past couple of posts i have seen my hit rates increase. I know my writing is good but is this really what it takes to capture an audience these days? Anyway today i got comments from the following players and bloggers - Yorkshire Pudding, Cadmunkey, Cell 1919, and Amatay. All in 1 day...? Is this purely coincidence? How come they all came today? How come 3 of them are from Yorkshire, where i am originally from? Do they know this? Its as if they were all out having a drink and said "have you seen that blog" and they agreed to come over and say hi today. I just called Molder and Scully anyway, and they have assured me they will have answers by the end of the week.

I'll keep you posted. In the meantime my little ones, sleep well, and as my mum used to say, "Don't stay up all night on that thing". (I mean your computer playing poker, not your ladder)


Still playing like a genius one minute, rejoicing in my ability to dodge hands and watch others self destruct, and a retard the next, calling raises in any position with the now devastating "pretty hands" and not being able to pass any semblance of a connection to the flop.

The real reason for posting, and i shall be brief, is a worrying one. You may recall that in a previous post i wrote something along the lines of "win people, win more than you have ever won and run like small naked children through fields of cash". I am paraphrasing but if you think along the lines of "comedic gold" you will be in the right direction. Anyway i put tags on the post, one of which was "naked children". Again this was funny to me as i thought it might catch some attention. Anyway the "worrying" title of this post is because already that has indeed happened. Ladies and gentlemen, "naked children" have drawn visitors to my site. Slightly less than my writing "Christian Bale" in the "Empire of the Sun" post, but only just. Naked children have drawn the second highest amount of traffic.

2 things -
1) - why not start labeling your posts with odd titles - you may draw a huge alternative following. I am going to label this one "Monkey Tennis" (respect to Alan Partridge) and see what happens.

2) - I have always been the kind of guy that goes out of his way to please people, (I think it goes deep within my psyche as to why this may be. But lets just blame it on the parents separating), with that in mind and given my new wave of paedophilic poker fans i shall now be incorporating pictures of my favourite poker hands/ celebrities along side my new feature "Naked toddler of the week"

Mmmmm, enjoy

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

"Who are you tryin' to get crazy with, ese? Don't you know I'm loco?" Hansel - Zoolander

I tried to post this a while ago in response to a comment left on highstacks' blog by a friend of his, "Tank"- it is on the comments on the "Running Badly, playing Badly and losing" page from 18/09/06 - please read it - its hilarious and his blog is one of the best i have read. While you are there please read "Anger management" from 8/11/06. Fookin hilarity.

The pasting below i believe was originally left on a 2+2 forum and lifted from there by Tillerman for his blog. I have copied it below for your amusement. Enjoy.

Please picture the scene - You are a young female - in cyberspace - seeking some hot, text on text, flirt action and this is what you get.....

bloodninja: Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don't know how long I can keep it ready for you.
j_gurli3: thats ok. ok i'm a japanese schoolgirl, what r u.
bloodninja: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.
j_gurli3: haha, ok lets go.
j_gurli3: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.
bloodninja: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory.
j_gurli3: haha, ok, u know that turns me on.
j_gurli3: i start unbuttoning ur shirt.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't wear shirts.
j_gurli3: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of the game.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They fucking charge your ass.
j_gurli3: stop, cmon be serious.
bloodninja: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ass.
bloodninja: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet.
j_gurli3: thats it.
bloodninja: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in the air on my mighty horn.
bloodninja: Goddam am I hard now.

bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
BritneySpears14: Aight.
bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.
bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.
bloodninja: Me too baby.
BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.
bloodninja: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
BritneySpears14: Hey...
bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 Cock of the Infinite.
BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it.
bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty Fuck of the Beyondness.
BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.
bloodninja: Don't fuck with me bitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid.
BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece of shit.
bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.
bloodninja: Baby?


BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready?
eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I'm ready.
BritneySpears14: I like your music Em... Tee hee.
eminemBNJA: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.
BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.
BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular physique.
eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: What the fuck, I told you not to message me again.
eminemBNJA: Oh shit
BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you fuck up.
eminemBNJA: Oh shit
eminemBNJA: damn I gotta write down your names or something

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Why is it...

...that you sometimes get a hand and go "ooohh, that looks nice", although it may not be a good hand, "i'll play that". Then you see a raise and a reraise in front of you and you still want to play it. Now, in your mind, it has gone from a cute, speculative, "see a cheap flop" hand into a well disguised monster which, if you called the reraise would be so well disguised (as only a mentalist would play it in this situation) that given the 220 to 1 shot at the perfect flop - like 555 - your 75 of diamonds could crack someones big pocket pair.

Just busted from a low buy in tourney on pokerstars - a load of loose bastards - no raises were being respected. I find this a difficult situation in poker. Do you still make the raises anyway even though you'll get 11 callers (the table only seats 9 for Christs sake). Or do you limp more and hope to hit more flops. I remember when i first started playing Omaha i would lose so much money by raising pre flop - then i made a tonne back by limping and playing the flop better than most at the table.

Anyway - how i busted here was quite interesting.

I am in the sb and see about 5 limpers and have A10. I have just limped in this same spot with a decent hand last time so i decide to raise. I raise about 5x the bb and clear everyone except one who makes a simple call. I love this by the way. People go "erm, right its only 50 lets see a flop, oh! now its 5x that amount, well ok, if you say so" and pay up. Anyway the flop came down Ax5 with 2 spades. I know i have the best hand and hope he has a weaker A. I bet the pot and he flat calls, now i am sure he has a weak ace. The turn comes Q. I move all in and he instantly calls.

What has he got here ladies and gentlemen. Pocket Queens. Is the answer to this conundrum. Needless to say i didn't put him on this hand and the play is just ridiculous from start to finish.

Lets take a look at what happens inside his mind.

1) Ohhhh pocket queens in good position! Oh, there have been several limpers though. Shall i raise. Naah, they'll be alright, plus if i do everyine will know i have queens. No, i'll just call, just in case.
2) Someone out of position has raised strong - perfect time to reraise - actually, do you know what. I'm feeling frisky. I'll just call
3) Shit! thats not a nice flop look at that horrible overcard -and i know all too well most players love to play with an ace in hand
4) Oh my God he has bet the entire pot! - he's obviouly confident - does a Q beat an A again?? Oh God, Oh God? quick pass me SuperSystem - Shit! Whats that? Oh no! My time is running out. Fuck! Call. Oh Shit!
5) Oh! Cool! a Queen. Wow i hit a 2 outer! I really am a cunt.

Sometimes i despair i really do.

All is not lost though. I am taking a tip from UKGatsby's blog (see link right) and playing small mtt's. Played a dollar one today and cashed for 3 dollars. Fkin check the profit/ ROI stats on that badboy. Bring it on

By the way his blog is a good read as too is his associate Highstack (again see link). I am going out on a limb here but this may well be the funniest blog i have read so far. I am only a few months in but, its probably a northern thing, he is so rude and blunt, no messing straight to the point. Not only is it admirable but its often flipping from hillarity to tragedy from post to post.

Enjoy whatever it is you are doing (unless its murder- thats bad mmnnnooookkkayyy)and may you all win big. Yes big my friends, bigger than you ever dreamt of, so you can sack off these bull shit jobs and run, run naked like small children through fields of cash.

Monday, June 18, 2007

Not a bad run

I played a 4.40, 180 man tourney on stars last night and managed to finish 7th. This was a much needed cash ( a whopping 10 quid - 25$) as i have been very negative of late. If I'm honest I picked up a lot of cards early doors which gave me a very comfortable chip position very early on. I could then bully a bit, hit some cards and get lucky to stay well above average. After a point there was really no question about making the final table. I got there and there was nutter raising and reraising. I let him get on with it, well, i had no choice i had no cards. Then i picked up JJ under the gun. There were a few short stacks and i thought i might get action this way. We were already down to 8 and this was a guts and glory moment. A short stack went all in and i loved to see Mr Aggressive reraise to isolate. I reraised all in and he called all in - me JJ - short AK suited and him 1010. Flop Qx10 and its all over really. The Q on the turn gives him a boat and reduces my outs to 2 - miss both somehow and I'm out in 7th. Consolation - i played really well, pretty tight and not overly aggressive and got my money in with the best hand.

I fired up another one earlier today - we got through the first 80 players and then this happened. I raised 4x bb in early/mid with 1010 - late position player reraises. I often give reraises in low limits a lot of credit as its usually all about calling. A short stack player reraised all in in the blinds. I sat and thought and came to the conclusion that the most likely holding for the first reraise was Ace something Big K/Q - i then decided that if the sb would make that move with an ace - i may have to dodge some cards but they might cancel each other somewhat and reduce their chanced of winning. I move all in, which is quite a substantial reraise i might add, reraise man instantly calls the sb shows A9 off suit and the reraiser A8 suited. I lol'd heartily at this. That is until he flops the nut flush draw and they both hit an ace in the turn. I knew it was over after the flop. What do i have to do. Consolation - i got my money in with the best hand.

More like this please.

I just sat down at a cash game - first one in ages. I'm shit!

Good luck you hairy mothers

Sunday, June 17, 2007

ho hum

Well... there you have it. I failed to qualify for the WSOP 150 seats guaranteed. Didn't do too badly i think i played 4 and came 10th and 11th at the best. I honestly thought i would qualify. So much so that i thought i could do it twice. Sell the first for $ in my account then enter with the second one! God! I'm such a sad bastard!

Oh well. I've used my frequent player points to buy Harrington on Hold Em - Volume 2 and am rereading 1 until it arrives.

I feel really shit about my game as a whole. What sort of idiot pumps money into books, dvd's, magazines and into a game which they can't even consistently beat, even at the lowest levels. Its pathetic. I need to sort it out. Have i learned nothing?? Its really strange, i know i have improved. I can see so many mistakes in the way that other people play but can't seem to rectify my own play. I think it has to be a case of back to the drawing board (books) and tightening up my play. Today i made such an awful call. I raised the button and someone who had been raising a lot reraised all in. I insta called with A4 suited. I didn't stop to think. He had an over pair and me crushed. If i stop for one second i am obviously folding. I think it is something about human nature. If i bet i'm telling you my hand is good, if you raise you're saying yours is better. Its an argument. Sometimes you are in a good mood and clam and can handle an argument rationally. Other times you are tired, its been a rough day, the last thing you want is someone with A3 off suit telling you pocket tens are no good, So you snap instantly and the results, like those of any argument, may not be pretty.

Good luck to y'all

I just don't know what to say

I have played about 8 qualifiers and have logged my finish positions which are as follows. Each qualifier had 216 runners.


There is an interesting trend which is that it could be said that i got worse as the day went on. This may be the case but to be honest i don't believe that is true. Again i am the first to admit that i got lucky and played bad on some hands.

In the last 4 however, something like this happened;

first - got to HU - against a guy who had been raising a lot (i managed to eliminate 3rd place which brought us to virtually equal going into heads up. Until this point i had thought i was going to lose to him) He raised me one hand and i pushed all in with AJ of hearts - he called instantly with K5 off suit and turned a King. I managed to build my chips up and again got it in against his pre flop raise, i forget my hand but it was a fuck site better than the Q8 off suit he insta called me with. Out.

2nd - I am raising like a maniac since i told the table i would go all in first hand - i sometimes do this in case i pick up a nice hand first hand, usually it results in me just folding - this time i was dealt QQ and moved all in - all the limpers duly folded. Having established this reputation i was raising loads and winning pots and really enjoying dominating the table. The crunch hand came when i have 45, the flop is Jx5 and i lead out and get 3 callers - as i write in the chat box that "lol, we all have Jacks" - the turn comes down a 5 - perfect! - so i move all in playing as if i have a strong J as others are clearly interested. Sure enough I am called, as planned, by someone who is loving their JQ off suit a bit too much. Anyway, the turn is a J and he wins with a higher full house. I am ranting on at the table. A guy makes a comment about how it is my own fault for risking so many chips. He definitely has a point, but like i said to him, what more do you want in this game than to get all your chips in against someone willing to call you with a far inferior hand.

I said something to him about pausing and thinking, even for a second, before insta calling, about the hands that could possibly beat him. Lets look at a few

His cards: JQ (diamonds/clubs)

Board: J575

hands he might be behind to: AA, KK, QQ, AJ, KJ, JJ, 77, 75, 55, A5, K5, Q5, J5, 105, 95, 85, 65, 45, 35, 25.

Hmmm, not many then - Great fuckin play!

If anyone is actually reading this blog - please tell me - am i mental -should i be playing less aggressively. What am i doing wrong.

3rd - everyone limps to me in the bb - i raise all in with pocket 10's and lose to pocket 8's. I have already built chips and move all in on the button with QJ and get called by 10J and he turns a J.

The guy that called half his chips with J10 off suit said "nh" after the pocket 8's had become a full house on the river. I love this comment. Obviously eights full of jacks is a very nice hand, any retard could tell you that, what is so annoying is that even a hand where a guy calls for every one of his chips when he is so far behind and only has a 20% chance of winning - he then miraculously flops a set and amazingly rivers a full house. That is not a nice hand. If anything its a terrible hand because if anything, every step along the way, all that guy did was actually fuck it up.

4th - We are down to 3 and its tight but i have a slight edge in chips. The player to my left is becoming edgy and open shoving and just taking down the blinds. We go to the break and first hand back i am really happy to pick up KQ diamonds in the sb. I raise his 200 bb to 660. He moves all in. i know i am ahead and call and he shows KJ off suit. Despite recent fortunes, i still shout yes and raise my fists and he turns a J.

Fuckin Unbelievable

I tell you all i want to do is throw the laptop against the wall. Its not mine, so i won't. I just cant take it anymore. Don't get me wrong, i just read that back and i sound suicidal, I'm not. I just feel like its beyond the realms of possibility/ probability.

Maybe i should be risking less per hand. Dan Harrington calls it "volatility". In the world series against Sam Farha he didn't reraise pre flop with AK. He believed himself to be a better player than some others at the table so could play better on later streets. Thus reducing the chips risked should his hand not hit. I play with more volatility, hence the bigger swings i guess. I suppose i should play more through the streets, play slower. I think i am a product of my environment though. For example the KJ off suit guy. Who else with an adequate chip stack would deem this worthy of a reraise all in. I play strong because i think i can maximise hands when they hold and catch people with weaker hands. The 1010, i knew if i was getting called i was a favourite. I think it must be the answer though.

Final thought - if i shove all in with QQ and get called by AK and they flop an A - well done, nh, wp that's poker

- if i move all in with KQ and dominate KJ or indeed with JQ and dominate J10 - and they somehow manage to hit one of their 3 remaining outs - is that poker - no that's not poker - that's bull shit.

Oh yeah - i just remembered - when the guy was saying I should play slower through the streets and we were discussing it, the caller, the guy who had called with the JQ with one pair - as a 4.55% favourite to win said "don't tap". This cracked me up. I assume it was a reference to don't tap the glass or the fish will go away. He's clearly heard one of his mates say it in the playground and hasn't quite grasped its meaning just yet. Its almost too funny that he would say that after risking all his chips when he only had 2 cards that could possibly help him.

Saturday, June 16, 2007

Keep the faith

Hi guys and gals,

Yesterday I decided that I would try and qualify for the WSOP 150 seat guaranteed that is running on PokerStars on sunday night. My direction is via the $2.20 triple shootouts where you play a 6 seater turbo which you must win to advance to another one, before advancing to the final table which you must also win. Last had a few pops last night straight after playing shit at six seater turbo's so i wasn't in the best frame of mind. The last of the day i was gutted to make it to the final table to go out in 5th. I called a button raise from an habitual button raiser, the flop came 678 - i checked with 44 - he instantly moves all in. I just read it wrong and put it down as a bullying job and called - he had Jacks. Truely gutted.

I just played my first of today and finished 9th. Although i was 9th i was only one player away from the final 6, as i had made it to HU on the second table. My oppenent raised and i called with Q6 suited, the flop was 255, which i knew hadn't helped him. I check called with the intention of making a play, the turn came perfectly really giving me as far as i knew 2 live cards and a 4 flush, my plan was to check raise all in, i checked but he moved all in. I was convinced that i was correct and made a gambling call and missed. Out. Gutted but reassured about my play. I have given myself $21 dollars to qualify with today as the good lady is away and i have the run of the mill. Not that i don't every day when she is at work! Hmmm.

Also i'm checking out the WSOP results via . Their coverage is good, simple live updates and results tables. I am interested anyway but this year i have a fantasy team playing through PKR and . My team is as follws and is based on players i like, plus past WSOP and WPT results factored in. Poker Player Magazine have nominated 12 events, only the results of these 12 events will contribute to your players points. So here is my team "Old Faithful" in order of price (points they cost to buy - lowest to highest, plus any points they have accumulated so far)

John "Miami" Cernuto - 25 points for 10th in event 24 - 7 card stud hi lo

Dewey Tomko

David Chiu

Chip Reese - a bargain price at only 50 points

Men Nguyen

Humberto Brenes - 75 points for 3rd in event 13 - pot limit hold em

Chris Ferguson - 20 points for 13th in the same event

Eric Siedel

Phil Hellmuth - no points for his bracelet, alas

Daniel Negreanu

So its going ok in high insight would have liked Phil Ivey, Jonny Chan and Alan Cunningham. But there are still 6 qualifying events left and still time.

Good luck everyone and thanks for all 4 of you for reading!

I should just hang up my...


Credit card details

virtual chips.

But i have just thought i know i am better than this. I am still getting the most hilarious beats. Man, i know i can play bad, but if someone plays a hand and beats me, i congratulate them. I am ashamed but they beat me. Well done. I just find the beats so hard. My notes on players half the time consist of some anecdote about how they played a hand for all their chips or got all their money in behind on a flop - ie - will call bottom pair for all their chips. I once read a poker book that said about finding players that will do their stack with top pair. I wish it was that simple! I am seeing just beat after beat of the most crazy standards.

My thinking though is this - when i hurt myself - i say ow and then grit my teeth and say no pain and get on with things - this is what i have to do here. I obviously need to play better, i need to wait for bigger hands to get all my money in to minimise losses from improbable outdraws and i need to not let it effect me as much.

Bottom line - keep going - always work to improve - stay cool - work for better results - its embarrassing

Wednesday, June 13, 2007


I'm just not cut out for this game. I've been on tilt for three days and playing like a complete wanker. I think i need to take some time off. Read some books and start again from scratch. My God! its just killing me. I'm angry and just perpetually in a state of jaw drop at the situations i have been finding myself in. I know you all know it happens, i was reading today a response to someone elses frustrations. The response from the pro that the letter was written to said that to lose for three weeks (as he had) was bad but not unusual. Jesus fuckin Christ, i tell you. That would be like going to work for three weeks and not only not getting paid but also working for someone whilst you give them your money. I am not concerned with the idea that if you play a consistant game you can turn these losses around and ultimately profit. However, it takes a lot of self control and faith in your ability to continue playing even at the lowest levels. God only knows how hard you can crash if you are an emotional player playing at the higher levels.

I don't know exactly what i am going to do. I am just sick.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007


I have just watched the film Empire of the Sun. Holy McMoly! I knew nothing about this film other than the fact that it was the first major film role for a 13 year old Christian Bale. Here, in the role of Jim, his performance is absolutely mesmerising.

The film is based on the novel by J G Ballard. He was actually born in Shanghai, China pre World War 2. During the time of the war the Japanese forces had taken over Shanghai as it was a significant port city. The Japanese had taken over the people and their city, except for a secluded area of for Westerners. These people were the wealthy western families who owned hotels and textile companies who had homes and gardens reconstructed from images of their homes in Britain. This area was like a safe city within a war torn city, so close, yet a world apart from the rest of Shanghai just beyond the barbed wire fences. The film and the central character Jim, are based on Ballard's true story and his own experiences during the war that he survived alone.

At that time Shanghai was referred to as the Paris of the East. The westerners had made it their own, there were American cars, magazines and products like coca cola. So many of the cities central buildings were built to replicate those from back home. Apparently at the start of the 40's Shanghai had over 400 nightclubs. What is mental about this is that since the war the city has hardly changed. It hasn't been modernised. Shanghai has a skyline like nowhere else in China, so essentially it was perfect for filming.

The story is one of isolation, identity, friendship, terrible hardship and the journey of a young privileged child into a young man who has seen more than any person, whatever the age, should have had to witness.

The film is just epic. Steven Spielberg as the director has created such a diverse film from the scenes in the wealthy manor houses and hotels, to the war torn streets and the prisoner of war camps.

The cast is also fantastic with actors such as the brilliant John Malkovich and Joe Pantoliano, Miranda Ricardson, Leslie Phillips, Nigel Havers, Paul McGann and a cheeky little appearance from a young and meaner looking Ben Stiller.

Basically if you haven't seen this film, do so immediately.

Monday, June 11, 2007

So cruel

I don't know what to say. Today i got up early excited to get some poker hours in and started playing sit and goes. I lost the first. Booted up the second, lost that. 3rd, 4th, 5th etc etc etc. No first or second placings to mention. Then i had to stop to go for an audition. So i sorted myself out and had a good meeting. Came home and started again determined to win. I played tighter and to be honest, not scared, but not aggresive either. Again i was losing. I honestly think i've halved my bankroll (such as it was). I completely admit to reading a few situations wrong and getting my money in behind. However i can remember only 1 occasion today where that reversed itself, ie, i caught later cards to put me ahead. On the other hand everyone hit their cards. If i did manage to build a good stack, which to be honest, i've been getting used to, i just failed to pick up any cards. When i picked up kings, the late position limper (me on the button raising) flopped 3 aces with his hidden AQ. To be honest i put him on an under pair before I'd give him those 3 aces. Every time i was raising i was getting played at and running into just the most insane players and ridiculous outdraws. I was time and time again "lol"ing the chat box at what i was being called with, only to see the outs required fall on later streets. In the end i had to stop because i knew i couldn't win.

I can only imagine how demoralising it is to be playing for much bigger stakes or in large buy in events to have a bad run or get unlucky. I mean in a tournament for example (or sng) a wrong decision plus an unlucky outdraw and that can be the end. It doesn't take much.

Thought; just have to try and read situations better. That's all i can improve on today. Those times when i mis read my opponents holding. I tell you what though, at those limits they could have anything. Fuckers

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

2 words for you...

My bankroll has just hit the heady heights of $100.02. Its the 2c that makes it for me.

After nailing a couple of sng fools earlier i had $86 - i took an expendable $15 to the limit 2-7 triple draw tables and at the 50c/$1 limit - nearly lost it - doubled it - nearly lost it - then doubled it. Saw the $100 figure, went "woohoo" internally and vanished. Like a dirty chip thief, into the night.

New link added to the left. Suffolk Punch. An ex- "Sun" writer, poker author and columnist, enthusiast and family man shares his thoughts from the tournament circuit.

More than 2 words wasn't it

Mwah ha haaa, i'm such a trickster

Monday, June 04, 2007

Poker? Bollocks

Good afternoon campers,

I hate this game. Granted i am partly to blame as always but; God Damn it!

I have just played tourney ($4.40 - 180 players) and gone out 11th (yesterday i busted in 7th - did i write about it - i don't remember). What do these 2 days have in common - I was in the lead in both of them and then fucked it up. Yesterday i was big stacked right to the end today i was close to busting with 35 players left. The good thing was "close to busting" was only in leader board standings, not versus the blinds - so i could afford to wait. I made a tonne by folding for what seemed like forever. The players slowly ebbed away and i doubled up with QQ, then i got it again the very next hand. By the time the bubble came i was no longer afraid of bubbling, nor had i put myself in a position where i was behind in a hand. I was so confident i was counting my virtual money. And then this happened...

I made a really bad play which decimated my stack but didn't cripple me. I called a raise in the sb with QQ - me and the raiser to heads up on the flop. Flop K high 2 diamonds and low cards. I check he insta bets 2k into a 6k pot. I see this guy who has been playing good cards well making slow decisions and reasonable bets. His bet looks like a move as he has acted so fast. I am sure i have the best hand and move all in. (raising him would have been to 6k at least and he only had 10k left - i had 30 so moved in. He is only gonna call with me beat though isn't he?) He insta called that w KQ off suit. Gutted. No help as he had one of my 2 outs anyway.

As is say though, this was bad play, but fine and now i had to tighten up. A raise in first position was too big to be strong and i moved all in with JJ. He insta called that with AQ spades and made the nut flush on the turn. My final 3k - half went into the bb and the other half called the button raise - miracles can happen right? No -i call with Q9 - he has pocket Queens. Bye!

What have we learnt?

1) be encouraged - 2nd final table in 2 days - playing well - calling raises in position and not really risking lots of chips or calling shabby hands

2) On the bad side - still get too impatient

3) Be stronger pre flop. Keep finding myself in spots where i was likely to have been a favourite pre flop.

4) Give credit and pass even the prettiest of hands if you feel the heat. - with the KQ guy - even if a raise would have set him near all in at least you wouldn't have lost it all - a smaller raise probably would have got him to push anyway. And there would have been the answer to the question "are my queens beat here"

There is probably more to learn - that will do for now

br - $59.52

Saturday, June 02, 2007

Ok you little monkies.

My bankroll steadily rising we are now looking at a total of $73.88.

This is great news and very encouraging. I am winning the 6 handed tables (or at least cashing) more often than not. I spent about $15 the other night whilst tired playing multi table turbos. These for me represent way less value than the 6 seaters. In a 6 seater turbo i can sit and wait through the first few levels if i don't catch any cards. This allows the possibility of other players busting each other or enables me to catch people making mistakes. With the multi tables it just seems that my good hands have less chance of holding up in a full ring situation and other people seem to acquire much larger stacks faster, allowing them the "bully" moves.

I won that money back and a bit more coming 7th in a $4.40, 180 man tourney on Stars. I was very low at one point and tripled up when my shove from late position in an unopened pot was called and raised in the blinds. I was saying my goodbyes when i saw this action. I had Q7 of clubs, the sb had pocket 10's and the bb had AK spades. The flop came ace high with 2 clubs and i caught the third on the river. The very next hand i picked up aces and doubled up again to put me near the head of the field. Through good cards and funky moves i stayed there. I tangled with the chip leader who seemed to want to play every pot with me but i decimated his stack putting me in the lead. At the final table my 88 lost to 44 after he open shoved all in with a huge stack on the button. I knew it was a weak play and called - he flopped a 4. He made the same play again later and i called again with AQ spades and he showed pocket 9's. I was down to 10k. My final hand was against the most aggressive player at the table who had raised or was in almost every hand. Anyway i reraised all in with 99 and was called by his Kings which held.

Hey ho. I know that in normal circumstances i would have finished higher and was all in all very happy with my play.

Oh yeah. I was just thinking how i got short in the first place. I called a raise in the bb after the cutoff had raised and the button called w KJ diamonds. Flop all diamonds - 7 high. The original raiser moves all in the button calls - i move all in - he calls the tiny remainder. Turn 8 river 7. the original raiser mucks and the button shows 78 clubs for runner runner full house. Great play. I love the way these people can over value their flopped low pairs. He could be up against over prs, sets, straights and flushes but no! He thinks his 7, no kicker has got to be good.

Another thing i noticed was play by other big stacks. Say they raise a pot for 3 times the bb say to 1800 and a short stack moves all in for 8k, that is not, i don't think an auto call with any pair. 55 for example. I watched a guy in successive hands - raise call all in with 55 and lose to AK - raise and call an all in with AQ and lose to AK - raise - get reraised - then HE reraises - puts the other guy all in who eventually calls with 1010 - our guy loses with 66. stack?? decimated. I think someone said he lost 43k in those 3 hands. This is obviously an extreme example but some of the play was just hilarious.

I must admit it feels good to sit and laugh at this play aware of mistakes being made. I am basically sick of feeling knowledgeable about the game and not winning. I have taken measures to improve it and things are looking, and feeling pretty goooood